Talk:Ileana's Stuff/@comment-4423292-20170205234317

I have long since thought that, on that first night, when the first person returned to Ivait — almost any of them, with very few exception — Ileana would try to on that first night sleep with them.

I've recently been reading a book that reminds me vaguely of Ileana, and so I now want to write this down.

She wouldn't try that hard, and she certainly wouldn't want to go far enough they could've rejected her and she'd be embarrassed (she's want to be able to back-peddle and shrug it off if that happened) but if they seemed respective, she would absolutely try.

Much of the root of it is that — after everything — Ileana would never again believe that should couldn't loose someone. But I think she would, on some level, wand to hold them so close to her that she could pretend, from a minute, to believe she couldn't loose them.

I think meeting a letat'myatakroliklyudey again, for the first time after the fall, would feel dreamlike and unreal, and if she believed on some level it was a dream, from which she would wake, then all she could do before she did was to be as close to the letat'myatakroliklyudey as she could.

If there was indeed a strange, dreamlike feeling of the meeting, I can only think of a few people would she would not try to sleep with.

Eca, one, because she's Cristi's sister, and because she's always been responsible, and that would just be weird. For all that Emelia had a crush on Eca once, Ileana looked up to her and admired her and didn't.

Aaron, because she fucking hates him.

Luca, at the last minute, because he's too real. For the rest, seeing them again after all this time would feel unreal, but Luca she has always basically believed she would see again someday. In a dream there's no need for practicality. Seeing Luca — even if it felt like a dream — would have another level of reality. And so she would want to, like with anyone else, but at the last minute, she'd appeal to practicality. "No — no, not now. Because I'm emotional as fuck, and I don't want to do something I'll regret. Go to sleep; we'll see if it still seems like a good idea tomorrow." And then, if it did, she would.

But for all the "not Eca because she's Cristi's sister" thing, I am quite sure Ileana would try to bed Cristi himself if he came. Because if she'd hesitate to sleep with Luca because of realism, Cristi is the opposite, and she'd sleep with him because she'd believe he was dead — that he was dead, and he had come as some ghost to talk to her this one time, and that in the morning she would wake up and it would be a dream, and this would be the only chance she would ever get to see, to appreciate him; and realizing that she had never appreciated him in life has made her so regret that, and so yes — believing that he was a ghost would be to her a very compelling reason to sleep with him.

And lastly, not Emelia. Emelia she would want to sleep with, and for that reason she wouldn't.