Talk:EESM 2.0/@comment-4423292-20190314042259

Leaving—abandoning—people you love will always be a major topic of this narrative.

In Ileana's mind, "How do I forgive myself and Luca for leaving without dishonoring Cristi for staying?" is an ongoing paradox to manage. "Is Luca's leaving me, and my leaving Emelia, really any different than Mămică leaving us?" is another big one.

Leaving people you love is inherently awful. It's always painful. It's always selfish, to some extent. But a big part of the story's core is getting beyond the simplistic "leaving = bad" and getting to something more nuanced.

Leaving in selfish in the sense of "putting yourself first." It's self-preservation. It's self-care in the most extreme. And for Ileana in particular, that is a big thing.

You have to take care of yourself. 3-year-old!Ileana, you've been left alone by your mother, but no, you cannot ask Luca to take care of you. He's only 3 too—it's not fair to put that on him. 13-year-old!Ileana, you cannot ask Emelia to take care of you—she's only 13 too, and a complete mess herself. It's not fair to put that on her. You have to do this for yourself, Ileana. You have to take care of yourself.

And 16-year-old!Emelia: It is not fair to ask your friends to take care of you, either. They are only 16 too, and a complete mess themselves.


 * “Do not mistake yourself for a guardian… or a promise… or a victim. You are a person—skin and bones, veins and nerves, hair and sweat. You are not made out of metaphors; not apologies; not excuses.”

The story needs to have a strong vein of, "I had to leave, for my own sake, for my own self-preservation," but without not leaning too far into that—not too, "I was justified, I had a right to!" Because it also needs to acknowledge the side of, "It fucking tore my heart out." Leaving is painful as all hell for both sides, not just the one who was left.

"Yes, I would do it again, but also yes, I am so sorry."